In M3’s weekly recap of Dancing With the Stars, writers Allison Bowsher and Melody Lau (two admitted newcomers to the world of #DWTS) will discuss their thoughts on the night’s performances – with their expertise opinions, of course.

Be sure to tune in to the finale of Dancing With the Stars tonight at 8E/5P!

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Allison: We’re less than a minute in and Candace’s partner Mark is in a cast. It’s getting real, y’all.

Melody: It ain’t a finale without an injury!

Allison: First up, James and Peta are doing the Tango and they totally went for the cast. Zomg, DWTS romance and I love it. Also, great Adore You remix.

Melody: We waited 10 weeks for this, but that kiss (and that dance) was totally worth it. James isn’t the frontrunner for this competition, but he’s definitely winning Peta’s heart! [James’ scores: 9, 10, 10]

Allison: I think all the celebs want to win, but I feel like it’s a way bigger deal for the professionals. Namely Maks.

Melody: Oh yeah, Maks wants it more than anyone on this show. More than Candace, even.

Allison: Really, Meryl has an Olympic Gold Medal, so I’m sure she’s stoked, but you know, not as stoked. These are his Olympics and their first performance with the Tango was definitely a gold.

Melody: Just give them the trophy already! [Meryl’s scores: 10, 10, 10]

Allison: For the first time ever, I agreed with Candace. Mark pushed her face away and she’s tired and got upset. I would totally do that.

Melody: Yeah, that was uncalled for. I get discipline, but that was rude.

Allison: Then he busted his shoulder.

Melody: Karma.

Allison: Welp, quite a few mistakes and as usual, slow motion.

Melody: She consistently gets the award for good effort, but let’s be real: she doesn’t stack up against the other finalists. [Candace’s scores: 9, 9, 9]

Allison: Amy and Derek nail their first routine and I’m continually blown away by her strength and his choreography. These two totally deserve to be here.

Melody: I think I admitted this several weeks ago, but I literally cry every week when I watch Amy’s performances. I think my tear ducts are broken. [Amy’s scores: 10, 10, 10]

Allison: James shares a story about his brother being in a terrible motorcycle accident and how it pushed him to go after his dreams. Why you gonna make me cry, DWTS?

Melody: Ah yes, more tears.

Allison: Onto the freestyle and what am I watching? I get that it’s freestyle, but this is a bit odd for the Tango show.

Melody: They get creativity points, at least! [James’ scores: 10, 9, 10]

Allison: A who’s who of figure skating talk about Meryl’s transformation while working with Maks. I just kept waiting for someone to confirm whether or not they’re dating.

Melody: Well the end of their freestyle definitely got me wondering!

Allison: Their freestyle was beautiful, but I feel like I’ve seen this a few times with them. Carrie Ann obviously didn’t feel the same, because she was in tears. TEARS! [Meryl’s scores: 10, 10, 10]

Melody: I know I just said Candace deserves a prize for good effort every week, but seeing this freestyle made me want to take everything nice I said back because it was god awful.

Allison: The best part about it was when it was over. If this was a Grade 8 talent show I would feel like she did great. But this is the finale of DWTS. I think she’s improved and is doing great for someone with no training, but she is not the champ and I think even Candace knows that.

Melody: Everything was just so embarrassing. And I know people, well mostly just Candace’s daughter, were shocked to see the low scores, but honestly, they should’ve been even lower. [Candace’s scores: 8, 8, 8]

Allison: Amy and Derek are coming for that dinner with Oprah. Their freestyle included acrobatics and a few tears from me.

Melody: Allison, let’s sign up for acrobatic classes. Amy just inspires me to get out of bed and do something and if you know me, you’ll understand how difficult of a task that is. [Amy’s scores: 10, 9, 10]

Allison: The first night of the two part finale ended with James and Peta and their perfect abs being sent home. I am super disappointed that Candace is still there and not James, but as long as either Meryl or Amy win I will be able to sleep at night.

Melody: Same, but seriously, Candace has got some serious fans furiously voting for her. Good on her, but I could’ve used one more episode of the James and Peta love story. Sigh.