May.21 / 2014

Dancing With the Stars’ finale recap: we have a winner!

In M3’s weekly recap of Dancing With the Stars, writers Allison Bowsher and Melody Lau (two admitted newcomers to the world of #DWTS) will discuss their thoughts on the night’s performances – with their expertise opinions, of course.

Melody: This is it, Allison! A three-hour marathon to the end!

Allison: Let’s do this! Poor Billy Dee is still being surrounded by Storm Troopers.

Melody: And then he pretty much disappears for the rest of the episode?

Allison: At this rate, shouldn’t someone jersey Sean Avery and another person guess prices of ski doo’s with Drew Carey? Also, did you totally forget most of the people that were on the show, because I did.

Melody: I absolutely forgot about Cody Simpson. Sorry, Cody. I listened to his song Surfboard a few times today to make up for it.

Allison: Backstage footage from last night shows Maks doing a lot of crying and Meryl telling him that she’s happy she did his last freestyle with him. Is he quitting after this year? He didn’t even tell me!

Melody: Who knew the person who would outcry me would be Maks!

Allison: James and Peta received the most votes for their freestyle and performed again. Because they shouldn’t have been voted off last night. Ugh.

Melody: I demand a recount! Oh wait, it’s probably too late, but at least we got to see them perform one last time!

Allison: Next is the team dance that was never performed live because of Amy’s injury. I’m here for Danica.

Melody: And again, Candace looks out of place. We rag on her, but she really did put in a great effort this season.

Allison: The sound issues that kept popping up throughout the season have crept into the finale, with Iggy Azalea’s music being off. What an uncomfortable moment and good for her for pushing through.

Melody: I-G-G-Y was A-W-K-W-A-R-D! The rest of the performance was fine, though, and Charli XCX deserves her own spotlight. Just putting that out there.

Allison: Aw, this is cute. Last year’s winner Amber Riley sings while the pros dance. Now Charlie and Meryl are dancing together. They’re very good. They should enter the Olympics or something. Har har.

Melody: Is there a Canadian version of this show that we can sign Scott Moir and Tessa Virtue up for?

Allison: Up next is Nene is dancing to Grown Woman. I know you’re here for Beyonce. Danica and Val performed one of my fave routines that they did during Disney week. It just makes me so darn happy.

Melody: Plenty of Danica in this episode for you!

Allison: Oh, now Cody is performing Surfboard, my fave song he’s ever done. Okay, this is all making up for Candace being in the finale.

Melody: If Cody did his own dance moves throughout the season, he would’ve made it to the finale, but alas, it’s not called Dancing With Cody Simpson (can we make that happen?).

Allison: Charlie and Sharna did their Mary Poppins routine and should really give up on canes. This time it looked like it was done on purpose when the cane went flying, so that’s an improvement. James and Peta did their Michael Jackson dance. I still like it, but it’s not my fave of theirs.

Melody: I just wanted to see that routine where they kissed again.

Allison: Ariana Grande performed Problem and totally killed it, but why didn’t Iggy come out for her portion of the song? Also, I feel like her music was messed up as well.

Melody: You think Iggy got angry and left? If so, oof, someone’s getting fired from the show after this season.

Allison: Amy and Derek’s footage from their last rehearsal made me cry. Don’t act like I’m alone on this!

Melody: You’re not!

Allison: Their last dance was beautiful and strong, like all their performances. [Amy’s scores: 10, 10, 10]

Melody: And then Candace gave it one last go. Good on her!

Allison: Candace of course talked about God placing her in the finale, even though I think he’s got other things on his mind, and I of course was underwhelmed by their performance. But I did like her costume. [Candace’s scores: 9, 9, 9]

Melody: There’s a reason why she’s the only one who didn’t get perfect 10’s.

Allison: Meryl and Maks were almost flawless in their routine and still deserve perfect 10s, which they get. [Meryl’s scores: 10, 10, 10]

Melody: And now, after almost three hours of television, we have our results!

Allison: Candace and Mark landed third place in the finale, so I will keep my shit together.

Melody: Phew. This post would’ve just been angry exclamations if she won. Trust me.

Allison: In the end, after many, many seasons and finales, Maks finally got his Mirrorball with partner Meryl.

Melody: I’m not gonna lie, I think I predicted that from day one!

Allison: For the first time I wished Amy and Maks were partners, because the two of them really wanted to. Derek has won quite a few times and Meryl has an Olympic medal, so I think they would both have been fine either way.

Melody: True, but let’s be real, they were both winners last night.

Allison: Well, this is the end of our first DWTS season. What did you think? I’m exhausted. This stuff is stressful! Oh, and I want to take dance lessons.

Melody: I’ll join you! We’ve spent way too many hours on the couch watching this.