The time jump has finally come to Pretty Little Liars! We’re now five years past the ‘A’ reveal and Charles/A/Cece/Charlotte (let’s go with Charlotte) has been locked up, leaving the girls to be free for the first time in years. But we soon learn that you’re never really free from your past.

Time to play ‘Where Are They Now?’

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Alison stayed in Rosewood and became a teacher. Including teaching high school English, she also taught herself to become besties with Charlotte. She’s hoping to get her sister released from the hospital and has been working with Charlotte’s therapist, Dr. Rollins. We’re pretty sure she’s dating him, because he’s older and the relationship is inappropriate and those are the only two criteria on Alison’s dating profile. Alison writes the girls and asks them testify on Charlotte’s behalf and say that they feel safe. So lie. She wants them to lie. Jason isn’t a part of her plan to release Charlotte, probably because he’s still not over the fact that his secret sister dated him. That’s gotta mess you up.

Aria is working for a book editor, the same editor that published Ezra’s first novel, Ostinato. She’s also dating a guy named Liam, but we don’t learn much about him this episode. Aria seems to be the only Liar still suffering from A-induced PTSD and at the hearing she talks about her panic attacks caused by her time in the dollhouse. Aria says she is still scared of Charlotte and doesn’t want her released. That bob is giving her superpowers and we love it.

Hanna is thriving in the fashion world and working for a designer, but all that thriving and traveling meant little time for Caleb. Haleb is no more. Pause for sad sigh. She’s now engaged with a gigantic rock to a guy named Jordan and according to Ashley, who turned Radley Sanitarium into a trendy bar and hotel, Hanna never has time to come home.

Emily’s update is definitely the saddest. At some point during the five year time hop, Emily’s dad died. We don’t know how, but it caused Emily to question everything and take a year off from college. Now she’s hiding prescription drugs from her friends and seems to be lying about getting in to grad school.

In a not-at-all surprising move, Spencer is working in Washington as a lobbyist. She and Toby have also broken up, but they agree to get dinner while she’s home for Charlotte’s appeal. Mrs. Hastings is running for State Senate, also not overly surprisingly. We’d vote for her.

After Emily, Ezra’s status update is also pretty brutal. He published his first book (yay!) and went to South America with Emily’s friend Nicole to build houses. We assume they began dating, but then Nicole and 15 other volunteers were kidnapped by Revolutionaries and no one can find them. Ezra is now back in Rosewood, where he still owns The Brew (but not a razor) and is living above the coffee shop. He looks tired and sad. Still hot, but tired and sad.

Speaking of still hot, we don’t really know what Caleb is up to. He was in Washington for some reason and ran into Spencer, who told him about going home for Charlotte’s appeal. He checks on Hanna and informs her he’s staying in Spencer’s barn. He and Spencer aren’t…they wouldn’t…right?

Along with Caleb, Toby is one half of the ‘Brotherhood of Ex-Boyfriends’. If Ezra ever leaves The Brew he can probably join the club as well. Toby finished college, but was passed over for a promotion, which we assume went to Lorenzo. Toby is building a house and Spencer thinks it’s for a girl. Is he Notebook-ing us? He’s totally Notebooking us. If there’s a wrap-around porch and a room to paint we’re totally going to expect Spencer declare she’s a bird.

Mona is working in Washington as well, but unlike Spencer she hasn’t been able to forget her bad memories. Three therapists and a lot of prescriptions later, Mona continues to suffer from nightmares. Still, at Charlotte’s appeal, Mona has a change of heart when giving her testimony. Instead of telling the judge she’s scared, she sympathizes with Charlotte, who spent years in Radley. Mona says the few months she spent in the hospital were hell and encourages the judge to let Charlotte go free.

After the appeal hearing is over, the four Liars meet at the new Radley and get a text from Alison saying that Charlotte is being released. They drown their sorrows in overpriced cocktails and wake up the next morning in Hanna’s suite after Alison calls. Charlotte is missing and she’s frantic.

Cut to Toby and Office Lorenzo standing over Charlotte’s dead body. It looks like she jumped from the bell tower (someone should really take that thing down), but after the funeral the girls learn that Charlotte’s autopsy showed she was dead before she fell. Her death is being ruled a homicide and guess who are the four prime suspects? It’s déjà vu all over again.

Questions: Why weren’t Mr. DiLaurentis and Jason at Charlotte’s funeral? Why were the girls scared of Sara Harvey when she resurrected her black widow outfit and showed up at Charlotte’s funeral? How many karats exactly is Hanna’s ring?

Cell Phone Sightings: 2

Best Line of the Episode: “People are not always the things they do.” Spencer’s thoughts on Charlotte.

Scary Factor: 6 Bipolar Martinis Out Of 10

Most Improved Character: Ashley Marin. She made Radley into a swanky hot spot and as far as we know, she didn’t sleep with anyone inappropriate in the process.

Dead Bodies: 1