Jan.19 / 2016

Pretty Little Liars Recap 612: Charlotte’s Web

We’re only two episodes into the time hop and I think it’s time to call it; Alison is officially the friend you’ve known forever and only hang out with because of loyalty. At this point, you have zero in common and really don’t enjoy spending time with them.

Now that Charlotte has been in the ground for a few hours, Alison decides to throw a dinner party. Where do I RSVP ‘Hellz Noe’? Let’s recap!

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Aria is G’ingTFO of Rosewood as fast as her heels can carry her, which causes her to become suspect number one according to Alison and her ‘friends’. Hanna privately calls Aria out on secretly leaving the hotel the night Charlotte was murdered and Aria shrugs it off. On her way to Boston, she stops at Ezra’s place and informs him they never saw one another the night Charlotte died. Roh row.

Back in Boston, we get to meet cute and nerdy Liam, Aria’s co-worker and boyfriend. Teacher. Co-worker. Aria is really making her way through the list of people not to date.

Her boss Jillian is less than sympathetic that Ezra’s girlfriend was kidnapped and demands his novel. Art is pain, people! She threatens to send Liam to finish the job, but Aria promises to get the book. It also appears that neither Liam nor Jillian are aware Ezra was more than Aria’s teacher. I’m sure they won’t find out in the future at a really awkward time.

Hanna uses her mom’s keycard to access the security camera in the Radley Hotel and sees that Aria was with Ezra the night Charlotte died (should we just write ‘last night’ instead of ‘the night Charlotte died’? Has it even been 24 hours?). The girls confront Aria and she admits that she met with Ezra after calling him and telling him she couldn’t sleep. They walked around Rosewood, because nothing can put you to sleep faster than a small town at 4 am. Charlotte, or someone who looks like Charlotte, pulled up to the church in Alison’s SUV. Aria peaced out and Ezra claims he went home right after. Or he killed Charlotte. TBD.

Hanna agrees to erase the security footage and Aria asks Ezra if he killed Charlotte. He says he went straight home, but because he didn’t look her in the eye, Aria thinks he’s lying. I think he’s just drunk. He does give her the first draft of his book, because #ART.

Spencer, who thinks the world revolves around her, remembers telling Ezra about a case study she covered in college. It was about a bride who died of what looked like a suicide, but in fact had been killed and had her hands wiped clean just like Charlotte. Spencer is now terrified the public case she told Ezra about years ago could tie them all to Charlotte’s death. I don’t remember what I wrote on a Post-It note yesterday, let alone a paper three years ago. But good for you, Spencer.

Emily is still being a shady oak tree and we can’t keep her lies straight. She says she’s working at the Salk Institute and that she’s applying for Grad School, but in her cemetery confession to her dad we learn she flunked some classes, lost her scholarship, and possibly never finished college. That’s still unclear. Now she’s going to the Medical Center to receive treatments for something. She also has a new admirer in Ezra’s manager for The Brew, Rita. FYI, Rita had cancer and assumes everyone who goes to the doctor’s office also has cancer. Lady, sometimes people just get UTIs. Chill.

Alison is lonely now that her sister who lived with her for four hours is gone, so she invites everyone over for a dinner party, including Hanna’s fiancé Jordan. He’s Australian. Or from New Zealand. We’re not really sure. But he’s definitely rich and doesn’t seem threatened by Caleb at all.

Alison is suspicious of Aria and goes as far as telling Lorenzo that she thinks her friends may have been involved in Charlotte’s death. See? Why is anyone still friends with Ali?

Caleb is moving semi-permanently into the Hastings barn, which only has a couch and not a bed because rich people, amirite? Mrs. Hastings wants him to help with her campaign and that’s fine with Spencer, who looks to be in a constant state of trying to not break the rule of Chicks Before…ya know. Tonight we learned that Spencer spent a year abroad in Madrid and that’s where she ‘happened’ to run into Caleb, who was backpacking through Europe. We used these quotation marks because there’s no way their running into one another was a coincidence. The two have been hanging out in DC ever since, which means for the past three years. Girl code, Spencer. Although who are we kidding, we’d give you a pass for Caleb.

Sara Harvey is still hanging around Rosewood and according to the police, the burns she sustained the night Charlotte was revealed as ‘A’ make it impossible for her to be Charlotte’s killer. First of all, what burns? Secondly, if six seasons with Jenna has taught us anything, it’s that bitches lie.