Jan.26 / 2016

Pretty Little Liars Recap 613: The Gloves Are On

The cops are questioning the girls and their parents in relation to Charlotte’s death. Plus, one very inappropriate relationship has just started. Did we time hop back five years? Let’s recap!

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After erasing the Radley security footage showing Aria leaving the hotel the night Charlotte was killed, Hanna decides the girls need to relax with a spa day. No one is in the mood to get facials or to employ their peripheral vision and see that Sara Harvey is literally five feet away. Those are some strong cucumbers.


Ashley is now being questioned by the police over the missing security footage, but she’s assured by Hanna that she didn’t erase the tapes, because ‘she’s not in high school’. Yeah, because that’s what normal people do in high school.


Hanna runs into her old buddy Lucas, who is totally different. Now instead of just being in love with her, he’s rich and in love with her. So diff. Lucas agrees to lie for Hanna and act as her alibi, telling the police that he brought Hanna take out food the night Charlotte was killed and was in the hotel room with the girls all night. Mistake number one – where was the take out food from? Should have cooked a pie at home.


Emily is on a strict regiment of sticking needles in her thigh and like anyone who has a terrible secret to hide, she administers a needle in Aria’s house with the bathroom door open. Right. Hanna walks by and remembers her peripheral vision this time and confronts Emily. Okay. Here it is guys. Cancer? HIV? MS? WHAT?


Emily tells Hanna that she blew through the money her dad left her after she dropped out of college and has started taking hormones so that she can sell her eggs. One of the other bartenders told her about it because that’s apparently a thing 23 year-olds do when they run out of beer money. What the actual eff? Emily is all, I feel good about this decision, and Hanna is like, cool, Imma wear pajamas like they’re clothing because I’m in fashion. All great decisions being made here.

Not surprisingly, the college Emily is lying about graduating from sends her some mail. Of course, Pam is a total mom about it and opens the letter, quickly learning that her lying daughter is still a big liar. Emily admits that she dropped out and promises to not lie again. Except about the whole selling her eggs thing. She’s still lying about that.


Speaking of lying, Aria has convinced herself that she’s not in love with Ezra anymore. Ex-girlfriends usually drop everything to help their alcoholic high school sweethearts. She’s just trying to please her boss! In Denial-Land, Aria learns that there was an ‘incident’ with Ezra at Radley, which has now resulted in him being served only ice tea at the hotel bar. Let’s hope the security footage of the ‘incident’ wasn’t erased and we get to see it at some point.


Ezra finally gives Aria the first two chapters of his book that he wrote before his girlfriend was captured in Colombia (hey, we finally got a specific country!) and according to Aria, THEY’RE AMAZING YOUS GUISE. Of course, these chapters were written pre-tragedy, and we’re not referring to Aria’s purple shirt. Hey-oh! Someone get her a pair of pajamas.


Less excited about the book are Hanna, Emily and Spencer who think they’re all going down for Ezra still having a crush on Aria and killing Charlotte to protect her. They barge into his den of sweatpants and demand that Ezra tell the truth. Instead, he puts on his teacher voice and orders them to GTFO. And take the garbage to the chute on your way out!

Melissa is back this week. We’re not sure if she ever left or where she’s been or what she did on her five year summer vacation, but she’s in Rosewood and ready to campaign for Mrs. Hastings. First, she has to point out that Spencer is super into Caleb. No duh. She also gets in a dig about Spencer cheating with Wren. Well played, Melissa. Well played.


Spencer casually visits Hanna and is like so, how are wedding plans, what’s new, cool if I date Caleb, love your sweater, got any juice, yada yada. Hanna says she’s totally fine and then stares longing at the wall like people do when there is someone standing directly in front of them.


Before Spencer can rip up the Ovaries Before Brovaries pledge she signed with the Liars, she has to be interviewed by a college student about her mom’s campaign. Somehow this Rory Gilmore wannabe has the inside track and knows that Mona was turned down by Mrs. Hasting’s campaign and is now working for her opponent. Spencer feels betrayed. Spencer sad.


Spencer goes home to Caleb, because they’re kinda living together, and uses her sadness to tell him what happened to Sara Harvey. Okay guys, this is it. We’re finally going to learn what the girls did to Sara that burned her hands. On the night of Cece’s reveal, Emily found out that Sara was working for ‘A’ and smacked her. Yup, we knew that. But THEN! Sara tried to pull herself up and instead grabbed onto an electrical box and electrocuted herself. That’s how she got the burns! Okkkkkkay. It all makes sense. Except when Spencer says she feels guilty, but had to make a choice. Wait, what? Everything actually made sense for five seconds. What was the choice? Grab Sara and get electrocuted as well? Ugh. So close. We were so close. Now that Spencer has shared something with Caleb that Hanna never did (buh bye Ovaries), it’s time to make out. Spaleb has risen!

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The episode concludes with the return of the cryptic ‘A’ scenes, this time with all four girls receiving a text message and then a shot of black hoodies. So 2000 and late.